Friday, November 29, 2013

Off and Running?

I used to have a blog. I used to go to all sorts of writers forums and groups and gatherings. I used to go to writers conferences. I used to interact with a lot of different writers and readers. Used to. So, what happened?

Even I'm not sure. The internet moves quickly - with lightning speed. Things change rapidly. Places to go cease to exist. New places pop up, fade away. It seemed I could no longer keep up. I faded away. My energies were shifted, diverted, to other things to occupy my creative needs - editing, making jewelry, craft shows, etc.

But I think it's time to come back. I have been going through my Guardians of Glede series books - making up a family tree for the publisher, getting new covers, checking for errors. And it got me thinking about the books again. Ok, I'll just say it - I like reading my own books. The characters are like family to me after all of this time. And it has been a very long time.

I started writing the series when my second child was just a wee one. He is now 27. That's a long time. I didn't actually publish anything until the late 1990's though. That was when epublishing was in its infancy, just getting started. And all I heard was that no one wanted to read books on the computer. No one. Everyone wanted print. Now?

Well, no one seems to want print anymore. I have stacks of printed books in my closet that I can't give away. Now, everything is electronic.

I was also a little disillusioned by my own expectations. Of course, all artists have them - the expectations. We'll be famous. People will want to read our stuff. People will rave about it. We'll be in a warm, happy glow for years and years. And the money wouldn't hurt either.

But it soon became apparent that what I envisioned didn't happen. Sure, I had really nice reviews, I won a few awards for small press, I sold some books, my name is in a lot of places on the internet. But it didn't seem like I had envisioned it at all. I wanted more. But I didn't know what more I wanted.

Then came the piracy of my books. Lots of it. I was told I should be happy - people were reading my books, after all, and shouldn't that be enough? But, strangely, it wasn't really. I felt almost as if I was being mocked - yeah, we like your books - but only if they don't cost us anything. I became jaded. And sad.

I let that sadness eat at me. I quit.

I quit trying. I quit promoting. I quit writing. I haven't written anything new in over a year. It's not that I don't have creative juices still within me. I do. But every time I try to write, I think "why bother"? There are so many books out there, so many new authors, so much to read. How on earth will my little stories ever compete? Ever make it anywhere besides on my computer and in my dreams?

But now I'm back. I think it's time. Time to do something, time to move forward, time to start writing again. I hope so. Will anyone even read this?

I hope so. If anyone does, let me know.

And here's a picture just to end on a happy note:

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I read your post, a little late, but I stay behind in everything. I also can relate to your feelings. Sometimes it seems hopeless. I've decided to write because I love to. If people buy my books, super. If not, well my kids can give the stack in my closet away. Every now and then I sell one at a craft show. Some people have good taste. Good luck to you. Hang in there. :)